Needing his Ponds
by geradsredskittle666
Summary: After 11 left Rory and Amy, he tried to make it on his own. When 11 turns up sick, too skinny, depressed and self harming; its clear thats not working. Warnings: Depression, cutting. Pairings: Amy/Rory, 11/Rory friendship
1. Chapter 1

**Needing his Ponds**

 **AN: I don't own Dr Who. This is set sometime after 11 has left them. No spoilers really though.**

 **Pairings: Amy/ Rory, 11/Rory friendship**

The sudden frantic knocking at the late hour had surprised them. The Ponds were sleeping. Rory had woken first. He was used to waking up quickly, odd hours meant nothing to him.

Amy had taken longer to stir. When she felt her husband move from the bed, she had woken slightly.

When she heard his panicked yells, she was awake.

 **Rory POV**

Who could possibly want us at this hour? Even the Doctor has more grace than this!

The knocking seems to get less urgent...

When I see who is there I can only gasp in surprise and horror. Its him. Its The Doctor.

But he looks in bad shape. His empty eyes usually filled with childish glee look up at me. "Rory" he says softly sounding relieved. He coughs harshly before gripping the door frame to steady himself.

Well his sick for one. I reach my arm around his waist to support him and he stiffens. Still he allows me to lead him into the house. He leans into me as he coughs again. The cough shakes his frame badly. What has he done now?

Once on the lounge I turn on the light and take a look at him. He is paler than usual and shivering. His clothes are tattered and hang off him. His thinner than I have ever seen him...not great. His eyes look sad and confused, as if he has lost all his happy thoughts. He keeps his eyes fixed on the ground, not reacting. I hug him tightly. He looks surprised before he says brokenly "I tried. I couldn't. I couldn't..."

He seems so far away. I brush his hand and he looks up with surprise. "You can tell me" I say gently.

"I didn't want to be a bother. I couldn't live without you guys. I...I don't mean badly" he stammers.

"Your not a bother. We want you here. Tell me what happened." I say firmly.

"I kept forgetting stuff. I forgot why I was happy. I forgot the point of it all." he replies brokenly.

Taking my phone I dial a number. After a moment I hear the hospital receptionist. "Yes I can't come in to work tomorrow. It a family emergency...yes my son in law is sick...he needs me"

The Doctor looks tired but every time he falls asleep, he quickly wakes himself up again. A habit. I must insist though...gently I speak to him. "You need to sleep."

He looks suddenly frightened. He mutters quickly starting to panic, "No sleep, no night mares. Don't make me. Please?"

I frown. "I'll stay with you. I'll protect you okay?" I offer.

He seems to be thinking about it. "Promise?" he asks childishly.

"I promise. I'll stay the whole time." I say.

He accepts this. Tiredly he curls up into a corner of the lounge. I grab a blanket and pillow and wake him. He seems to be confused. "Lie down. You won't hurt your back that way. Come on." I say gently.

He looks more confused. "What about you?" he simply asks.

"I can get a chair or something."I reply.

He looks upset now. "Don't go" he yells leaping into my arms "How will I know you are here?".

"You want me to lie with you?" I ask surprised. I'm sure he doesn't understand how odd that is to a human. But his sad resigned eyes at this is enough to convince me. When I don't say anything more he starts to sob. "Settle down. I will lie with you okay? I said I would stay didn't I?" I say calmly.

This is worse than I thought...he will need us. Thats a thought for tomorrow as I disengage the sobbing timelord. He seems to calm slightly. He settles on the lounge and squishes back. Making sure the blanket covers him, I join him. I try not to act surprised when I feel his tight hold on me. To anyone else this might look sexual but its just comfort to a timelord who desperately needs us. Soon his breathing evens out and his asleep.

Soon his peace is broken by whimpers. He thrashes about breathing hard. Soon his whimpers turn to sobs and pleas. I try wake him. I put my hands through his hair and mutter comforts. After too many minutes pass, he stirs awake. I keep a comforting had on him as he wipes away the tears and sweat. He clings to me as the nightmare fades from his mind.

Tomorrow I will need to properly assess him. He needs a change of clothes too.

When he wakes again, its morning. The timelord is a mess of limbs and sweat soaked clothes. After his last nightmare he had relaxed his hold on me. He seems oddly silent as he wakes...too silent.

A silent still Doctor is never good news.

When I return with coffee I silently observe his state. He looks around confused, a sad look on his face. When I put my cup down he jumps. His face slips into a mask of a grin. It doesn't reach his eyes though and that betrays him.

"Rory the roman!" he says loudly, excited. Of course I can tell his fake normal Doctor act by now.

I usually let it go but not this time. I send him a stern glare. "Doctor, you are going to let me take a look at you. Then you will shower and change into some clean clothes. After that you can tell me whats been happening with you." I direct him.

He looks startled. "Please Rory? I'm fine now. Maybe all I needed was sleep?" he says nervously.

I glare back. "Last I checked I'm the nurse and you are not fine. So we will do things my way."

He hesitates but gives in. I nod approvingly and take him into Amy and my bedroom.

He opens his mouth to speak but I interrupt him "Don't say your a doctor because you never tell me what you even studied."

He tries to glare at me but its half hearted.

I check him over. He is still pale and I can feel a fever. His cough hasn't fully gone away yet either. He still seems shaky on his feet too.

"Tell me how your feeling."

He knows better than to protest or lie. "Dizzy but not as much as before. Headache. Feel like being sick too." he says calmly.

As I would have predicted by the way he was acting last night.

"Have you always had such bad nightmares?"

He freezes up and stares defiantly at the wall. "You saw that?" he asks carefully. "Well not sure exactly...few hundred years maybe?"

Thats not great. No wonder he looks so tired all the time. "When did you last sleep proper?"

He looks away again. "A few months" he says quietly.

So how can he even be here? Not even timelords are immune to exhaustion.

I decide to mention it later. I take his sweaty jacket and shirt off. The wet clothes are thrown into a pile for later. What I see shocks me.

He misreads my emotions of course. Wide scared eyes lock with mine and he shuffles back. "Its hideous isn't it? Who could love someone like me?" his tone is both cold and sad.

How could he even think that about himself? Would he really think we valued him for something so physical?

I mean its only hideous in the sense that he is so unhealthy. For gods sake I can see his ribs! He has bad bruising and some minor cuts as well. He obviously got into a fight. I check his back and he has a dark bruise on his shoulder. When I prod it the Doctor winces. Fractured I think.

Of course thats not the most horrifying part. His arms are littered with small cuts of varying healing stages. He did this to himself.

"Your staying here with me for a while. How could you hurt yourself so much? I am not taking no as an answer either. If you don't stop and heal, your going to end up dead long before a darlek or cyberman or whatever else kills you." I say firmly.

The alien seems to accept the idea. Or at least agree. I don't know which is scarier.

I hand him some fresh clothes "shower". I simply say.

He just takes the offered clothes and does what his told.

What to do for the timelord now?

I mean it is good he is more awake now but he is so far from healthy. He needs sleep for one so I must find out what he can take for that. Maybe help him relax. Maybe even help him face his nightmares.

He needs food too. But what are timelords allergic too? He may look human (and I timelord to him) but he is vastly different. Still I need to get him back to healthy weight.

Thats not even mentioning his sick!

And of course the depression and cutting. Nothing for that but talking...what a long few months (though probably longer) it was going to be.

I pick up my phone and text Amy at work. When I get a panicked phone call, I have to suppress my own panic. Amy is right to panic. We both are. But I am the strong rock and the calm nurse, so I stay steady. I tell her what we are going to do and that he will be okay. She must know I am only acting but needs the comfort more than truth. So she accepts it and promises to help me.

I do feel slightly better about this plan now actually...

I hear the shower water stop and go to check on my newest charge.

The Doctor is looking better and even seems to have a genuine smile on his face. That sadness still stays but its further away. The clothes (which I know would have fit him only months ago) still hang off him but when it comes to the stubborn timelord, you take what victories you can.

 **AN: as usual read and review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Needing his Ponds**

 **AN:** I don't own Dr Who. This is set sometime after 11 gave them the house.

 **Pairings:** Amy/ Rory, 11/Rory friendship, 11/Rory/Amy friendship

 **Warnings:** depression, eating disorder, plutonic(non sexual) cuddling/sleeping between Rory/11 and Rory/11/Amy.

START

 **Rory POV**

It takes all my patience to not snap at the timelord. I know he is trying his best. I know what he is like at the best of times.

At his worst, its trying even my patience and that says something!

I should be happy his putting up a fight. That means his still fighting to be okay.

Currently he glares at me. The stubborn timelord is refusing his breakfast. He stubbornly fold his arms and doesn't even try it. "I don't like porrige. I don't want porrige." he says like a child.

I sigh before smiling back. "You won't be able to handle anything else. It will make you sick" I say calmly.

He hasn't had a good meal in a worryingly long time. Months and months since a full meal. Anything too rich will make him sick. Even then he will need to work up his meal sizes slowly to normal again.

The bowl stays on the table, ignored and alone.

He is still glaring at me.

"Fine, don't eat it then!" I snap before I can help it before leaving the room.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDND

I calm down an hour later. I shouldn't have snapped like that.

I expect him to be sleeping so I check his room. But his not here...instantly I panic. Where would he go? Is he okay? What if he got hold of a knife? What if he left the house?

I need to calm down and think. Kitchen maybe. Yes.

 **Normal POV**

The nurse checked the kitchen. Surely The Doctor would be hungry.

Rory felt even more guilty at the sight of the timelord. The timelord had almost a full bowl of fish fingers and custard that had been cast aside. He looked miserable. Vomit covered his clothes and some of the floor. He had curled into a corner and was silently sobbing. He had his arms wrapped around him, trying to provide some small semblance of warmth.

How could Rory have treated his sick friend so badly? He knew the timelord was sensitive at the best of times so it shouldn't have surprised him so much.

He leaned down "Doctor? You okay? I'm sorry I was impatient. I shouldn't spoke to you like that. It was wrong." he said softly.

His friend seemed to notice him. "Rory not angry?" asked a small hurt voice.

Rory's heart broke at the childish tone. It was like kicking a puppy. It was wide innocent eyes that showed both confusion and guilt that met his own worried ones. "No. Never." he affirmed.

"Never?" came the hesitant childish voice again.

"Never!" confirmed the nurse.

The Doctor seemed to accept that answer. "Want my bed. Its cold." he said softly.

Rory smiled. "Lets get you cleaned up. Then bed." he said softly.

The timelord frowned. "Mess." he said simply.

Rory shook his head. "I clean the mess. You sleep." he said firmly.

The timelord shrugged but didn't argue. "Angry?" he asked again "I didn't listen".

"When do you ever listen to whats good for you?" Rory asked affectionately.

The Doctor actually smiled at that.

Rory helped the timelord up and took him to get into clean clothes. Once that was done, the timelord was safely in bed and falling asleep.

By the time after noon came, the timelord didn't fight Rory over food. Rory was more patient and gave the timelord the time he needed. The stubborn act was just an act. The Doctor didn't like feeling vulnerable. It had only taken patience and showing that he cared to get over that. He even ate a little of the amount in his bowl. A small victory.

The timelord seemed content. He fell asleep again quickly under the thick blankets.

Still the nurses worry did not fade. While some life was starting to return to his friends eyes, the timelord was still distant and wary.

DOCTOR POV

I watch as his concerned gaze looks over me. Rory seems to spot nothing he can do anything about presently so settles with a frown.

I hide my eyes with the blanket, pulling it over myself. I still feel guilty. I have burdened him with something that is too much. His enthusiasm and confidence seemed strained. I don't comment of course. What use would that be?

He always looks so worried. More than his usual 'Doctor worry'. I wonder if I am really that bad. Am I that unfixable? Can I really get better or is this false hope aka torture? He hasn't given up. What if he never gives up? Can I really let him try so long that he has to give up? Face the inevitable?

I know I should help him by fighting. I can only find so much fight. I worry it won't be enough. That it will never be enough. That I am destined to die like this. After so many lives and so many daring heroics, I am to die so uneventfully?

I can't get that stupid thought out of my head! What if I never get better? What if I never get better! WHAT IF I NEVER GET BETTER!

Suddenly I realise he is touching my arm and talking. He sounds like he is scared. "Breathe. Breathe for me." he says firmly. He has moved so he can place a hand on my back too, rubbing circles.

Did I stop breathing? I cough harshly and my chest feels tight. I realise I feel dizzy and am leaning on him like a child.

Fuck.

Come on, gotta try for him. It takes longer than I know it should take, but I manage a breath. He seems relieved.

He stays by me until I am okay again. He seems to take as much comfort as I do as he keeps a steady hold on me in a firm hug. Tired, I just settle against him. Its nice. His warm. Warm is good.

When I wake again, I can still smell his scent. I still feel his warm soft body and secure arms around me. His still here...

Why? What have I done to deserve such treatment? Such patience? Such friendship?

I try not to move too much. I don't want to wake up. He softly snores. In his sleep I can see how tired he is. Have I done this too him? Maybe I shouldn't have returned into his life so soon.

"He wants to." I hear Amy say as she comes into view. "Take care of you, I mean." she clarifies.

"Why?" I ask confused.

"His your friend. He cares. Plus he needs this. I'm sure of it. Kept acting kind of aimless for weeks after you dropped us off. Barely sleeps...I think so much time on the Tardis has made him restless. He can't adapt as fast as me." she says thoughtfully, looking lovingly at her husband.

I gave him a purpose? How odd. I hear her chuckle quietly.

"You picked us up so early in our lives! You were our life! What other purpose would he have?" she asks.

"I said that out loud?" I question. Again she laughs.

"Its all okay now. We will all be okay." she says knowingly.

Amy. It must have been tough to watch her husband suffering. Always on edge for danger. Always expecting an alien invasion or alien event of some kind. Unable to adapt to human predictable life. So scheduled. Work, sleep then work.

His so warm. He smells nice. Wonderful nice smelling warm Rory. Amy is smiling again. "Sleep okay" she says affectionately. I bury my face into his chest and drift off again.

RORY POV

I wake to feel a warm body in my arms. Amy? No, the build is masculine. Doctor? He smells like something no human word could fully describe. Apples, cinnamon and berry? Thats as close as any human words can get.

He looks so calm, with a half smile of contentment. He looks so young, almost like his our Doctor again.

He stirs and freezes. "Its okay." I calmly say. He seems to take that as permission to stay.

I hear Amy come in, placing a tray on the bedside table. Hot porrige for both of us and coffee and apple juice. Not my first choice but the smell of bacon and eggs would be too much for The Doctor.

He seems curious about the food. Almost as if he doesn't notice us, he picks up the bowl. I watch as he sniffs it. After a minute he takes a spoonful. Cautiously he takes a bite, then another without hesitation. By the time I am finished, he has eaten most of the bowl AND his juice. He returns the bowl to the tray.

Amazing! I feel a spark of hope. This is a sign he can recover. He seems to misread me and looks upset. "You did good." I say proudly. "You know I mean it. I'm proud of you. I'm proud you voluntarily ate most of it. That means your getting better." I elaborate.

He seems to be thinking then I feel him hug me tightly. He hides his face but I feel his tears wetting my sleeve.

"Want to watch some tv? Or maybe a movie if your up for it?" I ask kindly.

He smiles and nods.

Amy is waiting for us in the living room. She has a dvd already on the table. Harry Potter 3. The Doctor looks pleased with that and settles down in the middle of the lounge. I take the end.

The movie starts and he seems to relax. Still he looks unsure. I put my arm around his waist and pull him toward me. He happily accepts and rests his head on my shoulder. Amy snuggles closer too, her arms around him. He smiles contently and I feel him relax.

He is home. He knows it and we do. Home is when we are all together, wherever and whenever!

 **AN:** as usual read and review


	3. Chapter 3

Needing his Ponds

 **AN:** I don't own Dr Who.

 **Pairings:** Amy/ Rory, 11/Rory friendship, 11/Rory/Amy friendship

 **Warnings:** depression, eating disorder, plutonic(non sexual) cuddling/sleeping between Rory/11, violence.

START

Rory POV

I can sense it when I wake. Its going to be one of The Doctors bad days. I expect them of course. It part of the process of recovery. Of course The Doctor never did anything half way.

Bad days were espicially bad for him...

I hear him before I see him. His crying and curled up tightly. Something happened...immeaditly I go to his side. I calmly grab his hand, muttering comforts until he turns to face me. His tear streaked face turns to face me, guilt in his eyes. "Its okay. Speak to me. Tell me what your thinking." I say gently.

He seems to hesiate, looking at me like a child afraid of punishment.

Fuck! I was right. Something did happen. "I won't be angry. I promise. I only want to help." I say gently.

He seems to accept that. Finally he speaks. "Didn't mean to." he says thickly.

"Didn't mean to do what?" I ask using the tone I save for upset children. I am really worried now.

"He was telling me" he stops looking nervous.

"Telling you what? Who?" I reply keeping the same tone. He is far too upset to give me a straight answer.

He looks away, still crying. I take him into my arms, rubbing his back. He seems to relax after a few minutes. "Can you tell me what happened now?" I ask gently. I feel him nod against my chest. "Its okay. Bad days are part of the process." I reassure.

He pulls apart enough to speak but still stays in my arms. "I had a nightmare. He was taunting me. Calling me all kinds of names. He said I was fat. That you were only helping me out of pity. He said I should just disapper." He pauses again looking upset. I feel him shaking.

"I made myself be sick." he confesses. He sounds so upset by it.

"You think that I'd be disapointed in you? That Amy would be?" I say disbelievingly.

The way he bites his lip, looking away tells me he does.

"Relapses happen. Its nothing to be ashamed of. You can't win all the time." I say calmly.

He frowns but the shaking starts to fade. Again he buries his face in my chest and stubbonly clings to me. The tension melts from him and he falls asleep again. I see Amy in the doorway, half wondering if she should enter or just leave. I can see she has been crying. I catch her eye and gove her a reassuring smile. She just sniffs and looks away.

DDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

Doctor POV:

I wake again in Rory's arms. Warm nice smelling Rory. I should not get used to it but I want to. I don't deserve it.

He has taken care of me so well.

I untangle myself from his sleeping form. I really need a shower! Thankfully Amy isn't around so I grab a towel and head in to the connecting bathroom. I should ask I know but I don't want to wake him. He needs his rest.

The hot water feels wonderful, I almost forget my troubles. Still, I hear his taunts. With Rory gone, I have little defense from this. I stay calm, I won't give him power over me.

Feeling much cleaner I leave the shower. Reaching for the towel I see my reflection. I freeze. That is me? How could I let myself get so fat? The stupid reflection must be wrong. Rory's calm words come to mind, conflicting with the taunts in my head.

 _"You did good."_

 _"You know I mean it. I'm proud of you. I'm proud you voluntarily ate most of it. That means your getting better."_

I cling to his kind words. He assures and calms. For a moment it works yet I feel the voice again. The evil grin and the bright cunning eyes.

 _Did good? When have you ever done good? You know what you are._

 _Don't deny, you brought them trouble. You hurt them. Almost killed them. Then you make them so attached to you._

 _But thats nothing compared to what you have done now...oh no Mr Doctor!_

 _You have made them take care of you. You show up without so much as a phone call...in such a state that the dear nurse has no choice._

I remember Amy's words.

 _"He wants to."_

 _"Take care of you, I mean."_

" _His your friend. He cares. Plus he needs this. I'm sure of it."_

I hear a cold laugh.

 _Needs you? Who could even want you fat arse?_

Finally the noise is too loud.

"SHUT UP" I yell, punching the offending mirror harder than intended. Its silent again. I can think again. The broken pieces of the mirror litter the floor. They break under my bare feet but I barely feel the pain. My hand bleeds but thats drowned out.

Stupid mirror may have deserved it but the Ponds don't. I have done it again. Brought nothing but trouble to my friends. I am trouble.

I feel a conforting hand on my back and look up. Its Rory.

He looked concerned at the sight but doesn't comment on the mirror or the mess. Instead he wraps a towel around me and leads me onto the bed. He seems to sense I'm not in a speaking mood. He takes out his medical kit and starts to gently work on my hand.

Then after looking me over he sees my feet. He looks like he wants to say something but thinks the better of it. He finishes taking care of all the wounds and grabs my sleeping clothes. "You okay?" he asks deeply concerned.

I try speak but I'm too ashamed. Instead I managed a strangled sounding "Sorry".

Rory sighs. "Its fine. I don't blame you for anything. The mirror is not important. You are." he explains.

I feel warm inside and I can't help a small smile. "I saw myself. Its confusing. What you say and what I see." I say quietly.

He seems to realise what I mean. "I should have realised" he says, sounding weary. "We can talk about it after you get dressed and rest" he says tiredly.

That sounds like a good idea. I don't think I have the words now anyway.

 **AN:** as usual read and review


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